“Is this your first?” So many times I have been asked this question when I’ve been out with my baby. The answer is always “yes.” But inside, “no.”
Filled with guilt
Of course, my daughter has healed some of the wounds in my heart. But I was filled with guilt after she was born.
Now, every day was spent thinking of her and not my lost baby. It felt like she was being forgotten. And at the same time, while looking at my baby I was thinking, “Would she have looked like her?” “Would she have had the same hair and eye colour?” This again made me feel guilty for focussing on my lost baby when my living baby was right in front of me.
Never forget
But, I came to realise that just because my attention was now focused on my living daughter, it did not mean that I would ever forget about my daughter who died. It did not mean she was any less important, any less loved.
My focus has changed, but she will always be a huge part of my life. And any thought of her while looking at my little girl, only encourages me to talk about her more. She will always be a much loved and much talked about part of our family.
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