“I’m sorry but baby has no kidneys!”
The words no parent ever expects to hear and certainly not at a 20 week scan. And yet it happens, it has happened to so many parents to be but still very little is known about why a baby’s kidneys fail to develop during the very early weeks of gestation.
20 week scans – Anomaly Scans
20 week scans or as they are professionally known anomaly scans, is a precious time halfway through a pregnancy. It is another time to see your baby on a screen, to sometimes find out their gender, it is a time of great excitement and hope.
But to be told that there is something wrong with your baby, that they might be missing vital organs, life-sustaining organs then be referred to a fetal medicine consultant is terrifying.
The journey for a loss parent begins in that moment, the shock, the questions needing to be answered, the googling, this is the moment when the chapter you had been living suddenly closes and you are entering a new chapter, a chapter you don’t want to be in. You want the old chapter, the one where your baby was safe within you.
Then the scans begin, the lack of amniotic fluid makes scanning more complex, consultants apologising that it’s taking so long while you lie there hoping and praying that they have got it wrong, that someone made a mistake, and your baby is actually ok.
Then the moment when the fetal medicine consultant finally turns to you and says, ‘I’m sorry but baby has no kidneys!’. This is the moment the world you knew tilts on its axis, there really is something wrong with your baby.
There may be moments when you ask, ‘What are they going to do to fix this?’ How are they going to keep your baby alive until they receive a kidney transplant? How are they going to save your baby?
Make a decision
Then there is the news that there is nothing they can do to save your precious child, you now must make a decision about your baby’s future.
In your worst moment, you are asked to decide when your baby will enter this world.
Some decide to continue with their pregnancy until they meet their baby. For others they decide to meet their baby earlier following a termination for medical reasons (TFMR).
Neither decision is right nor wrong, both decisions have the same heart-shattering outcome, the death of your most loved and wanted child.
Losing a child to a diagnosis of Bilateral Renal Agenesis is traumatic, and heartbreaking and begins a lifetime of grief and learning to live with someone missing from your life.
If you would like to talk to someone about your experience and your baby, please contact us via our Facebook page or join our private Facebook group
