We grieve all year for our babies but at Christmastime, the weight of our grief can feel a little heavier.
This time of year is marketed to be all about family, lots of presents and food, gatherings and parties but there are times when it can be difficult to muster the excitement and joy when you are aching to hold your precious baby again.
There will be many who do not understand the pain you are feeling. Those who have never experienced the loss of a much loved and wanted baby may struggle to understand and expect you to be ‘over it’ or to pretend to be happy so that you don’t ‘bring everyone else down!’ But it is never that easy.
Christmas can be an extremely difficult time of the year even more so if your baby has a special date in December. It is a time of year when we can be hit hard by the wave of grief and it takes everything we have to hold on and ride out that wave.
Ideas to remember your baby
For many, some of the ways they remember their baby can bring comfort…
“I light a candle and put it in the holder with his name on it. This is placed on the dinner table. It feels like he is part of the celebrations.”
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“We donate a present for the age she should have been to a local children’s charity. We buy something we think she would have wanted if she had lived.”
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“I love personalised Christmas ornaments and have always bought them for my children. I always include her name because she is still part of our family.”
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“We live near the coast and make a point of going for a walk on the beach in the morning before all the chaos starts. We write his name in the sand and have a few minutes of quiet, remembering him and how much we love and miss him.”
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“We have a stocking with her name on it and put it up with our living children’s stockings. It feels like we are including her in the festivities.”
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“We order a beautiful wreath and visit his grave on Christmas morning.”
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Take care of yourself
And while remembering your sweet baby is a beautiful thing it is also important to take care of yourself. Take time out if you need to, turn down a party invite, switch the TV off, spend time with people who understand how you are feeling, and do things that bring you happiness or joy.
It is not selfish to put you and your heart first, sometimes it’s what we need to do to protect ourselves.
“Those we love can never be more than a thought away…
For as long as there’s a memory, they live in our hearts to stay”
Author Unknown
